Ed Johnson Story 2

This story takes place in the same spot as most of mine and Ed's sorted tales do, Snow College. That was an awful and awesome experience. Ed would often come to stay with my roommate Boyd. He had worn me out by this time, so my patience was poor with Ed. Boyd would often bring Ed up and then find something better to do(like milk his girlfriend; see the last blog)and so I would be stuck with him.
Times were hard at Snow. I lived at the the Snow Chateau, which apparently in french means giant shithole. I didn't have any money because I spent all the money I earned working at Carl's Jr. on a 1982 Honda Accord. One week I returned to school with some food my mom had bought me. It was going to last two weeks or I was going back to my diet of corndogs. Ed had come down with Boyd, he was planning on staying the whole week.
The next day I was walking up the stairs in the Snow Shithole and noticed Josh Kitchen eating a hot pocket. I followed him into the kitchen and found Brock Diediker making about 9 grilled chee sandwiches for himself. Brock ate a lot after football practice(I once witnessed him drink a whole 24 pack of beer in one night and I'm still amazed)but Brock never bought groceries. I asked him where he got the food. He told me"that kid in your room gave it to me" Josh then said "yea I got this from him too" holding out the hot pocket. I was enraged. I ran to my room looked in my fridge and the little bastard had cleaned me out. Just then Ed came strolling in the room. I with great restraint asked him what the hell he was thinking. His response was possibly the worst one imaginable."I can, I'm your guest". "Oh your my guest huh? well lets go guest" I said as I swooped up his beading. I took his ass home right then in my 100 dollar Honda, not knowing if it would make the 200 mile trip. I didn't care, I would hitch hike back if i had to. I just didn't want to commit murder. My car did make it back, and on the way I stopped and used my last five bucks on a box of state farm corn dogs.

The Ed Johnson Facts and possible myths

Here are some things that weren't long enough for stories. I guess you can call them tidbits, but I have always thought that was a gay name for anything, so I wont use that.

Ed once had relations with a girl. It was always called The Ed Johnsons's debacle. It was the name of the most fouled mouthed intramural basketball team snow college has ever witnessed.


Ed once claimed that Boyd Madsen claimed he was hungry so he pulled his girlfriends breast out to get a drink of milk. Boyd did that all right in front of Ed. I'm pretty sure Boyd's girlfriend wasn't producing milk at the time, but hey if Ed says it ?????


Edwins father Key Once asked the question "how do you eat a Mongolian?" The only answer any of us could come up with is "With a knife and Fork?" Key told us" no because a Mongolian very tough"(there's no typo there by the way). I never did find out how to eat those damned Mongolians.

A conversation with Ed

The following is the last conversation I had with Ed

Phil: Hello?
Ed: Hey Phil It's Ed I'm in town.
Phil: Cool man, you want to do something?
Ed: No I'm actually heading back to St.George
Phil: oh, well you should have called me earlier, but hey I might be heading down to St.George in a couple weeks. You should give me your number.
Ed: I don't have a phone.
Phil: So how are you calling me now?
Ed: Oh I'm using my brothers cell phone. It's pretty much mine because I use it all the time.
Phil: So what's his numb- ah never mind, have a good one Ed bye.

Ed Johnson story 1

This Ed Johnson story takes us way back to my fourteenth birthday sleepover celebration. I had a whole crew of all-stars over that night, so something brilliant was bound to happen. After we enjoyed some soft porn in the form of the movie "Hollywood Hot tubs" we had retired to the backyard to begin some other form of unholy mischief. As soon as are sleeping bags were unraveled on the ground a pillow fight broke out. Ed thinking he was so damned brave challenged us all at once. Little did he know Nick Correa was playing with a loaded pillow. As we surrounded and beat the brains out of Ed, Ed unsurprisingly freaked out about it. Ed turned to Boyd Madsen and punched him right in his mouth. I knew my party rep was on the line so I swooped in like a hawk and captured Ed in the first of many choke holds I would preform in my life. Ed went limp, so I let go and he did what any good Indian by would do, he ran. After Ed had taken off maybe for Canada, Nick said "hey guys I forgot about this" and then pulled a baseball out of his pillow case. He begged us not tell Ed, and he even cried a little bit, but the first thing we did was try to hunt Ed down to tell him. Ed finally returned in the wee hours of the morning apologized and went to sleep in my bed away from the rest of us. In the morning all was forgiven and friendships renewed

The Legend of Ed Johnson

Here it is . On the advice of my friend Boyd I have decided to dedicate most of this blog to memories of Edwin Yazee Johnson son of Key Johnson. My intent here is not to offend anyone who knows Ed, just to offend his loved ones. In reality I just have some crazy stories about ol Ed an Me and I think others will enjoy them. Every week I will share a new story or memory, but you won't get any more background after this blog so pay attention. Ed and I grew up a few blocks apart. We attended the same elementary Hillsdale. Back then Hillsdale didn't have a huge minority population so even though I am blonde with blue eyes I was always put down as a Native American because of some crazy Indian ancestry. Ed as you should know by his middle name is also Indian. Once in a while they would gather us together(like the agents of old) and tell us what we could get out of our heritage. It was at one of these gathering that I first saw Ed. How could I not notice him with his amazing rat tail haircut. Later I would share a soccer team with Edwin and finally we enjoyed church services together where Ed turned in his rat tail for an even more amazing bollo tie. Though most of my stories will seem negative about Ed I do have to say I still have some love for the guy, and in fact had actually admired him in Jr high mistaking being clueless with confidence. He is never malicious or mean he just pissed me off a lot. So Ed if you ever come across this by googling yourself hopefully we can get back together and make more insane memories

I am a man who loves experiences. Probably not the type most people think of such as going to foreign lands, eating exotic cheese and that crap. Nope I can get all I need right where I am. Example one: I've decided I am going to bench press 400 pounds just to do it. I'm not in any athletic competition nor do I think it will help with the ladies. I was at the gym one day and just thought how would it feel to bench half of a Chevy Geo. So far I would say it feels not so good on the shoulders. The gym leads me to my next undertaking.

Example Two:this crazy dance exercise class called zumba. I have never actually danced much in my life because of the fact I can't. However my curiosity once again led me to this room at the gym where I am a head taller than everyone in the all-female class. I felt pretty good about my moves until I saw my moves in the mirrors.

Example Three: I rode a tree log down the Provo river with my friend Derek. That was mainly painful

Example Four: I have decided to take up furniture upholstery. Right now I'm working on a kick ass chair, well I think it is kick ass. I've even thought about making a water bed couch.

Maybe I am crazy or maybe I have a beautiful mind? I don't know. Only time will tell(o.k. I'm crazy) but either way I have got to get to zumba so bye