Ed Johnson Story 2

This story takes place in the same spot as most of mine and Ed's sorted tales do, Snow College. That was an awful and awesome experience. Ed would often come to stay with my roommate Boyd. He had worn me out by this time, so my patience was poor with Ed. Boyd would often bring Ed up and then find something better to do(like milk his girlfriend; see the last blog)and so I would be stuck with him.
Times were hard at Snow. I lived at the the Snow Chateau, which apparently in french means giant shithole. I didn't have any money because I spent all the money I earned working at Carl's Jr. on a 1982 Honda Accord. One week I returned to school with some food my mom had bought me. It was going to last two weeks or I was going back to my diet of corndogs. Ed had come down with Boyd, he was planning on staying the whole week.
The next day I was walking up the stairs in the Snow Shithole and noticed Josh Kitchen eating a hot pocket. I followed him into the kitchen and found Brock Diediker making about 9 grilled chee sandwiches for himself. Brock ate a lot after football practice(I once witnessed him drink a whole 24 pack of beer in one night and I'm still amazed)but Brock never bought groceries. I asked him where he got the food. He told me"that kid in your room gave it to me" Josh then said "yea I got this from him too" holding out the hot pocket. I was enraged. I ran to my room looked in my fridge and the little bastard had cleaned me out. Just then Ed came strolling in the room. I with great restraint asked him what the hell he was thinking. His response was possibly the worst one imaginable."I can, I'm your guest". "Oh your my guest huh? well lets go guest" I said as I swooped up his beading. I took his ass home right then in my 100 dollar Honda, not knowing if it would make the 200 mile trip. I didn't care, I would hitch hike back if i had to. I just didn't want to commit murder. My car did make it back, and on the way I stopped and used my last five bucks on a box of state farm corn dogs.

The Ed Johnson Facts and possible myths

Here are some things that weren't long enough for stories. I guess you can call them tidbits, but I have always thought that was a gay name for anything, so I wont use that.

Ed once had relations with a girl. It was always called The Ed Johnsons's debacle. It was the name of the most fouled mouthed intramural basketball team snow college has ever witnessed.


Ed once claimed that Boyd Madsen claimed he was hungry so he pulled his girlfriends breast out to get a drink of milk. Boyd did that all right in front of Ed. I'm pretty sure Boyd's girlfriend wasn't producing milk at the time, but hey if Ed says it ?????


Edwins father Key Once asked the question "how do you eat a Mongolian?" The only answer any of us could come up with is "With a knife and Fork?" Key told us" no because a Mongolian very tough"(there's no typo there by the way). I never did find out how to eat those damned Mongolians.