A Poem

Here's a poem about a date I went on. And yes it is a poem

When I picked up Kallie, she had a nice hat on

We then headed off to get our Ice skate on.
I let her know in advance about how great my skills were.
Actually I sucked. the only one that sucked worse was a guy named Scott so of course we raced and compared to him I was a blur.
We did some ice dancing, it was kind of a blast.
but I can't dance even off skates, so of course I landed on my ass.
We finished our skating and drove off for dessert.
I was so bad at skating, I had to use figure skates which took some skin off my ankle which kind of hurt.
We saw a red mango, and I'd never been before so we stopped there.
I ate something called mochi mixed with every fruit except for a pear.
I told her so many stories, her patience must have been pressed
I then drove her home and said good, night now I’ll give it a rest

Thoughts on homelessness assignment

This post was actually written for a class I took in the spring.  You may be thinking" why post it here now?" the answer is, my straight up laziness. I know it doesn't seem to fit the normal feel for this blog, but I hope my three readers can still enjoy it. It was a website I created to try get get people to treat Homeless people better, but  it's a little out of context so I hope you can still follow, anyway here it is

I met David and Carl downtown Salt Lake City Utah one night around 8 o'clock. I was walking down Rio grande street towards the Gateway mall, when a black man with a dirty Levi jacket and pants about  five sizes too small jumped in my path. Before I could react to the inevitable attack (we all conjure up in our minds when we walk in this part of town) I was simply asked,
" was Ingrid Bergman in the movie Casablanca?"
I answered, "yes, I believe that was her."
The man grinned  hugely and turned to another man sitting on the ground, leaning on a building and said "I told you so."
The man sitting on the ground didn't accept my movie authority as readily. He decided to quiz me. "Well then, who acted in The African Queen?"
Without hesitation I responded "Katherine Hepburn"  That seemed to qualify me as an expert and settle the debate.
I asked the man standing in front of me, who was still beaming from his victory in the argument, if they wanted to grab something to eat.
"Hell yes'' the man said and I turned and looked at the other sitting who seemed less enthused and simply said "sure". While we were walking tom the food court at the gateway mall I discovered the names of my two dinner companions. (Although I have changed their names on my blog )The jovial victor of the earlier argument was David. The surly, suspicious one was Carl.  I asked them if it would be alright to ask them questions and told them about my blog. Carl surprised me, as I had thought he might be opposed, when he told me "that's cool because most people don't give a shit about us".
He then showed me an I.D. card with his name on it and asked "  do you know James Talmage?"
I answered him "not personally, but I've read a book he wrote".
He responded with an unnerving intensity "Thats right he wrote the best books in the world. Now look at my name, I'm his great grand-son but do you think anyone in this city cares? they wont do shit for me."
I asked him " What do you want them to do? "
He laughed at the outrage of the question but it was clear from the look in his eyes  he didn't think it funny. " They can start by giving a shit if I live or die" he told me, "look at me I have nothing. I used to have everything , but now, nothing." David didn't seem to notice any of this conversation and as we got in line at the subway sandwich shop was wondering aloud if they had hot chocolate
We ordered our sandwiches (unfortunately for David they didn't have hot chocolate) and sat at a table in the food court. As we ate I couldn't help but notice the disdainful looks from the others at the surrounding tables. My two guests didn't even seem to notice while they ate food like someone was going to count to thirty and take the remaining food away.  I asked them where they were originally from. David told me Detroit, and Carl told me everywhere.I then asked if they had any future plans. They both resoundingly said yes. David said he wanted to move to a small town where it was warmer and that he was"plenty strong enough, you know for farm work and such". Carl told me he didn't know how much longer he would be alive.
"Why is that Carl"? I asked him.
"Because, do you know what it's like out here?"  There was a long pause, he really wanted me to answer
" nope,  I really can't say I do" I told him.
"look at these shitforbrains hyenas over here" he said pointing to a bunch of teenage boys. "they might jump me as soon as I leave this place"  Right as soon as he said that i was reminded of the news story in 2006 when some Florida teens were beating homeless people to death with baseball bats. As I looked at the boys I now saw them as a threat, like Carl would. I could now understand his bitterness, having to size up every situation for survival.
I've heard people say "if somebody wants a job they can get one", and at that moment I was reaffirmed that nobody in there right mind would choose this existence because of laziness.  Not Carl, who lived in fear of others and even talked about taking his own life. Not David who seemed careless yet dreamt of farm work in nice warm place sipping hot chocolate  I'm sure.
As we walked back to towards the Road Home, passed all the sneering teens, whom normally I wouldn't even have noticed, I couldn't ask anymore questions I could only ponder the new world I had discovered that i had tried to walk by and ignore for my entire life. I knew when I walked by now looking in the eyes of the homeless, I would think of farm dreams or just making it through the night. And as if willed alone by David, the Mission across the street was serving Hot chocolate


One of the programs I've been volunteering at is the Road Home playtime program. I go once a week and simply play with the children for an hour. For the first months I dutifully showed up and played my part as the mobile Jungle Gym. I felt as though it was a true sacrifice.  I didn't think I was getting or needed anything personally out of my experience.  After a few months of being a regular, the children became familiar and expected my showing up to toss them around the room. I believed that all I represented was a giant toy. One day after the hour had ended, I was walking down the hall when I noticed one of the children who had missed playtime because of another activity. She saw me and smiled, but her smile disappeared quickly and turned into a look of sadness  as she asked "They had playtime tonight? I answered "yeah, I was wondering where you were". She grabbed my hand and asked me to walk her to her room. While we were walking she asked since she had missed playroom could she have a shoulder ride. I tossed her up on my shoulders and walked her the rest of the way to her room. After I dropped her off at her room, and promised three times to return the following week, I began down the hallway again. This time I had to fight back tears as I thought of how life was going to give this six year old the very worst it had to offer.  I walked out on the street and looked at the people out there and just kept thinking about my little friend, helplessly hoping that some sort of intervention would sweep her away from that life. A life she never chose for herself.

My point of this entire site is this. If we can't treat our most down trodden of humanity with respect, then how can we even call ourselves humane. As I have tried to point out, most of the people whom live on the streets are not just lazy,drugies, drunks, or simply just looking for a handout. They are the very soldiers you hear being praised on the news for delivering freedom 40% of all homeless served in the armed forces.(Department of Veteran Affairs, 2005).
They are children who have never been able to choose much of anything 39% of homeless are under 18 and 41% of those are under the age of 5.  They are abused women, the mentally ill, and dare I say it, the racially oppressed.42% are African-American. 12% of  the entire untied states is African- American.(U.S. Census Bureau, 2003; U.S. Conference of Mayors, 2007)

we allow ourselves to label and de-humanize these people, so that we can might feel better about our own inaction. If they are not human, then why feel guilt? If they truly are just lazy, or working the system then they get what they are asking for. My hope is that we start small, just giving the homeless their human dignity. When we take that away, we give a great big okay to those would extort and abuse in the most hideous ways possible,including even murder. Like with any social problem,  we tend to lump everyone together. There are those who will abuse any system that will be created, however if the numbers are examined then you will see that this is the exception rather than the rule. In my own limited personal experience, one constant with every homeless person I've spoken with is the comment, "when I get out of here". Maybe it's lip service, but I didn't offer anything, just an ear. Some voiced bitterness, others were actually grateful, all however, wanted to change their circumstance.

Some Things That Gotta GO II

Yes, that's right a sequel. I figured I was long overdue in posting, and really not that many interesting things have happened to me lately to write a story about, I might as well. Another factor is people seemed to really like the first list, often giving me there own things to bounce from the universe. I appreciate that and will now go on to use none of the suggestions( sorry Rima, the late night infomercial for the Booty Pop stays) I will instead use well thought out research of what things would make our lives better if they simply were never heard of again. that or most likely will just write whatever comes to mind in the next twenty minutes.

I'll start it off by targeting some well used sayings. In fact they are so well used that they bring sheer thoughts of violence against the offenders when they are rattled off constantly. The first one is "I'm now in control of my own destiny". Despite the argument of whether or not destiny can be controlled (see the hit series of movies Final Destination 1-16  if you really want to see what happens when you piss off destiny, I personally haven't seen any of them, but from the previews,you get yourself in BIG trouble.) The point is I don't care the meaning, say that to me, and your destiny is a fat lip. The other one I've heard way too much is " At the end of the day" This is usually some smart guys way of saying " I'm getting the last word, and I'm going to summarize why whatever we talked about doesn't matter and consider it resolved". Because as we all know at the end of the day we... oh man, see I did it too. Besides what really happens at the end of the day. shouldn't it be "the morning after" or,  at the end of the afternoon, this still isn't that funny so I'll move on.

Second thing that's out; Car Tires.  That's right car tires. This one might be because of thew fact that I had three flats in about a span of two weeks, but also isn't it about time for the flying car's anyway. This does cause me a bit of a personal problem however Since recently I took my first trip in a small plane. This plane's inside was about the size of my friend Boyd's Volkswagen Beetle.(yep, that's me taking a shot) I was crammed in the back with a lovely young lady named Jillyan Bechtold, and we were flying over the west desert of Utah from Wendover to Salt Lake City. While I was trying to point out the many, well three splendors of the desert, I started to feel as if I had just been rammed in the gut by a ram, I can only guess how that really feels but why not keep my metaphors simple, anyway that feeling quickly turned into projectile vomiting. with my lap full of my earlier breakfast( which I felt now was a waist of money)I turned to Jillyan and asked if she had any wet-naps. She instead provided me with a more practical item of a plastic bag, which I then filled in between pointing out the beauties of Utah. So I may struggle with flying cars a bit as well. I just don't know. Maybe transportation tubes anyone?


Third on the list Dead-beat dad's. yep


Forth Song's about or that mention California. I do enjoy spending time in California as much as anyone who doesn't live there already, but maybe other states should get some play from the singers of the world. We know you've got it all, the beaches, the movie stars but think if Idaho got some play on the radio for once, Idaho would start believing more in itself and maybe one day get enough confidence to get it's own ocean. That being said I'm thinking a head and am buy beach-front property in Burley.

Fifth is this man Johnathan Boatwright. Now I am not advocating that anybody make him disappear, or for that matter anything bad to happen to him, so if you see him and throat punch him then that is on you. I am simply writing a hypothetical list of things that need to go, I have no plans, or drive to get rid of any of these things on here. That being said you might find it hard to hate this guy. He hasn't made it easy on me. In fact I may be the only one who does. I was sitting in church with my friend  and she was telling me of an ex-boyfriend that she now had great dislike for. I decided i wanted someone to hate as well so I chose Boatwright . He hasn't made it easy. Every time I see him I tell him hello with such disdain as to draw looks from even strangers passing by. Everyone notices but of course Boatwright who just goes on talking as if we've been friends since i was peeing my pants.  It's infuriating. I can't even be mean to this guy, and it's not for lack of trying, of course he may do an Internet search and find this then he'll know he's gotta go. (If you do read this Johnathan then call me and we'll hit up wingers for lunch, oh and damn you)




The Last thing that needs to go is having an opinion. 
That seemed like a good idea, allowing people to make their own minds up, but it has turned out mostly to make people angry at each other. So let's pick someone, it could be President Obama, it could be you, just not Boatwright but let's pick someone, preferably some one tall, and let them do the deciding from now on. No more of this It's just my opinion so it can't be wrong, why won't you let me have my opinion blah. Think of how nice this would be "Steve the 7'4" guy at Harmon's said Twinkies are better than cupcakes and that Jennifer Aniston movies suck". there you have it. we all saved time, effort and were brought into unity by a giant. Sound like a fairy tale? maybe. but that is the point of all of this to make all of our lives better, except Boawright's with the things that gotta go

Some Things That gotta Go

To start off, this post is dedicated to Emily Crane. The reasons for this dedication is for one; she checks my blog every day (most who check it every month will find themselves disappointed, due to the lack of updating). Reason two; This was her idea, that I write on things that just gotta go. On a side note, she is looking fantastic these days, right sexy if I do say so myself. Now on to the freak show that is this blog

Here is a list of things that need to be done away with, burned, disfigured, maimed, hunted down, and just removed from society.

First One : war ; I believe it's time we practiced world peace. Oh what? you thought this was going to be a funny blog? Yeah it is. I'm just messing. Go ahead and have your wars. War away, I've got bigger concerns(as you'll see under this) besides if I gave my opinion on war, i would just get a lot of people swearing at me. I'll save that for Facebook.

the real first thing is : Fiber One bars; Man those things need to go. The biggest problem I have with them is they are so delicious. Much like sin however, they bare a great consequence. They rip your innards a sunder. The flatulence they create is horrible enough that those around you may need counseling for the post-traumatic stress disorder.They are akin to a laxative crack. I can't help but eat them. They need to be taken off the market before too many family's and friendships are ruined.

The next thing : Calling Someone a Douche Bag; This has become overused and abused. There was a time when this insult would almost always double me over in laughter. those times are long gone. I myself still use it on occasion, but don't even realize it. And that's because it gets no reaction, due to its acceptance. And that just doesn't work for me. Sometimes to keep it "fresh" I'll give the bag a rest and call on the nozzle. I don't understand why the bag gets all the love anyway. Maybe this is getting too graphic for some, but see I'm back with the shock. So try calling someone a douche nozzle instead.

Another one : The Letter H; Who really needs it? the french already just use it as decoration. Take my name for instance. How the hell does that make any sense? oh, so you put next to a P and magically it becomes an F? Yeah I probably should have thought this blog out a bit more before I started writing. But still, screw you letter H, and your magic.

No More Nazi Movies; There's something we don't need any more of. They should just lock the genre up with Inglorious Basterds. In fact no more Hitler references either. We can be more current when we want to make comparisons that don't really fit.Think the girl in math class that would say "Yeah, well Hitler would make his people..." how much cooler would it be if she used Pol Pot or Adi Amin. Between Schindler's List and The Pianist. is enough for me to want to call it a day with society.And now I've got to watch 500 more? Even Indiana Jones has moved on to the Russians, I think I'll do the same. Ah who am I kidding, I'll still watch everyone of them that comes out, and probably shed tears every time.

Lakers and Red Sox Fans. Bad people, every last one of you.

And I'll finish with what I think need to go most of all. People that are always pissed, or are pissy all the time. If you fall into this category (which you wont identify with, but will probably think of someone else that you think does) then just know that you suck to be around. Sure it's funny when Don Rickles does it, or House on the show House. But you ain't them. You just come off as a jerk. "It's a fool who is offended, when no offense was intended." So stop being angry at everyone, start smiling every once in a while, and realize it's nice to be nice. Punk.

I'm sure i could come up with many more things that need to go. Just in-case you were wondering

The Thing About Jackie

This post may be another confusing post, but when is my Blog not confusing. This one is about a young female named Jackie Neerings. Again I don't feel a need to explain my actions. But yet again to avoid any legal actions against me, I will state that we are not in a relationship. originally I was going to do another list, but I've written enough of those lately,(two is enough for me) so instead I will do this story style, on the nice things of Jackie.

I first met Jackie almost two years ago, when she walked into my place of employment screaming about how cool she was, and how much fun she could bring to the place. Hey it's my story, and that's how I saw it, even if she tries to claim otherwise. Little did she know, I didn't care because I had a foot out the door, due to the fact I couldn't stand anyone I worked with. This is the first point I want to make about her. She makes life more enjoyable. All of the sudden I had someone at work I could talk with. Her bouncy walk alone radiated positivity, and then she would flash her goofy yet addictive peace sign in front of a giant smile. She almost single handily changed my attitude. Then just like the way she came bouncing in, she decided to bounce back out.In fact she bounced out all the way to Ecuador. For Six months she paid to work at an orphanage. which is the next point. Her charitable acts. Of my many causes, she has always been supportive and willing to help. Of her own causes, she honestly believes she can change the world, and I dare you to doubt her. That brings me to her angry side. Just kidding all positive here. So lets talk instead about her Sense of humor. It's great, I know this because she even laughs at my jokes. The one moment that really sticks out that defines this was the time I was so angry my face was red and inside I was swearing the worst swears imaginable. her response when most people would just give me space( like a few miles) was to grab a bag of someone else's treats and held them up, and said "at least we have snacks". She then continued to give me a piece of licorice every two minutes. And when I finally broke and laughed and asked will you stop? her only reaction was to offer me another piece. All of these qualities lead to my final, yet most important quality. Her potential to be great. I think most of us have this potential, but the only ones who achieve it are the ones who strive for it. Jackie has developed these skills and I'm sure her accomplishments will confirm this. As she once made abundantly clear to me, she knows herself. I will however risk being ostracized by her in saying she's only at the tip of the iceberg. And once she does venture even further down. Watch out world cause you're about to be rocked. Okay bye

Peace

Why I'm Awesome

Why is it a sin to say anything nice about yourself? One way to irritate me quickly while in conversation, is when a somebody gives themselves a compliment and then follows it up with a "just kidding". Or the person to whom excels at something and smiles and says "really I'm not that good". I know nobody likes the person who talks non-stop about themselves, and there own greatness, but usually that person is easily detected because their conversation is mostly based on superficial facts of why they are better that you. With all that said, I'm going to give you five reasons why I would like to be friends with me. It's not that i am trying to prove myself to anyone, because if you're one of the five people reading my blog, you probably already know me. I just figured it would be more enjoyable read than the 40 reasons why I'm not awesome (besides some one will assuredly do that for me in the comments under the guise of anonymous). So if you read this and think, "man this dude is cocky", well maybe I am.

1 My humility

2 I Have An Opinion This might sound confusing, because you would think everyone has an opinion. They don't. A lot of people just repeat what they heard from someone else. If you want to test this, listen to the Jim Rome Show on the radio one day and then get into a sports conversation with a group of people and you will hear his exact phrases. Another one is when you hear someone arguing over the health care plan, Ask them "Have you read the plan?" So far I've only found one who has. I'm not claiming that influence and sources are bad. But I for one like to try to uncover the truth, think about it , and then act like its the only correct opinion in the world.

3 My Love For A Good Adventure If I didn't have this, I probably wouldn't have anything to write on my blog. Most my adventures if I used my logic, I would stay away from. In fact I would dig a moat and build a wall around it. So if you plan something and can't find anyone to go along with it because it's too weird, scary,or painful, call me and I'll probably be game.

4 My humor I've found everything is better with humor. Well maybe not food.

5 I Just Try To Be Nice The key word is try. If I am mean, it is never with malice, just stupidity. I would rather have people feel better about themselves. I think most people would outside of high school. But once in while you'll run into those who are all about trying to make you feel like crap. well that ain't me

The fall of greatness

Since my friend Boyd had to have back surgery on Monday I decided to Re-post this this one in his honor or dismay. You might think this is in bad taste, and you might be right because after all, it was the fall on that Tuesday that did his back in. He was carrying young Ava down the stairs when he slipped. Fortunately for Ava's existence, he fell on his back. Unfortunately his basketball career may be over. The surgery was said to have gone well. So Boyd I hope there are no more falls to report.

Last Tuesday or so my man Boyd took a tumble. I guess he really jacked his back so I can't make light of it. But it did get me thinking about some of his other bouts with gravity. Unfortunately for him there have been many, but two stick the most so I will tell you about them.
When we were visiting the coastline of Monterrey California, Boyd ran into the ocean and found out just how damned cold the water is up there. He quickly started to return to the beach as I was heading out full speed. I made a turn into his path and he wisely sensed danger. He tried to turn his full load of a body out of my freeway of destruction, but in doing so he lost his footing and shuffled his feet sideways as his upper body outdistanced his legs and finally he was eating sand. When falls happen there is usually a period of concern for the victim. Not this time everyone on the beach erupted in laughter except of course Boyd. When he got back to the the towels Derek Wessman was still cracking up. This enraged Boyd and he responded with "real f-- funny.You'll think it's funny when you have to drive my ass to the hospital." Which Derek did indeed think it funny.

The second fall happened at a u of u football game. The Utes had just beat UCLA into a godless state. Boyd surprisingly thought we should storm the field with the rest of the fans. We got down to the end of the bleachers and saw that there was about a 9' drop to the field. we watched a bunch of people go over and they all hit the ground and ran off so we figured it to be safe. We didn't figure that none of the people going over were pushing 3 bills in the weight department like Boyd and I, plus Boyd had sandals on. At this point there was no turning back because of the crush of fans behind us. Boyd climbed the rail and you could actually see his brain working, trying to talk himself into it when he slipped and went over. He hit feet and hands first and went into what can only be described as a ninja roll. He ended up on his back with both his hands and feet strait up in the air like a giant dying cockroach. For the rest of the night he told everyone including strangers, that he had broken his heel. everyone unsympathetically just blew him off. He didn't break his heel, but it hurt him for months to come.

I don't hope Boyd continues to fall down, but if he does i sure hope I'm there to witness it.

originally Posted 12/19/08