The family gathering

Usually I claim culture is just an excuse for doing bad things. This story is no exception. Phil is part Sicilian and his father is the real deal. The Musumeci's are a generous loving people, but when it comes to sheer will, or just being really pissed they take first place. Because of our obsession of mob movies anyone with that thick accent gets our imagination running. Phil's father Phil all though not connected,posseses that very accent, and gratefully for me lives up to the hype. One such occasion was at a forth of July family barbecue at a neighbors house. Philip (that's what we'll call the younger so we don't get mixed up) started whining because he didn't want steak. Phil thought Philip a little bitch, and told him so. Philip decided to let his dad know he didn't appreciate that in a disrespectful manor which blew the lid off that pot so high some neighbors still haven't recovered. F- bombs started flying, as the threats kept increasing in severity. Finally Phil took it to the scary point when he picked his steak knife up held it to Philip's face and said "I'll cut your face off with this f-n knife. Philip did the smartest thing he had done all afternoon and got up and walked away. However as he walked he kept his mouth running saying things like " come on, dad", which got the response from papa Phil "I kicked the shit out of you before and I'll do it again" Then to my knowledge the only threat that was actually held was uttered from Philip's sweet New Yorker mother who said "I'm not speaking to the both of you's" . Philip confirmed that she didn't for about two weeks.
I think the most amazing part of all of this is how the barbecue just continued on after like no ones life had been threatened. Phil ate his steak, Philip didn't, and we all enjoyed fireworks that night except poor sweet Barb Musumeci who was mightily embarrassed by her men

Since I have pretty well exhausted the Chronicles of Ed Johnson adventures, I have decided to focus on a new champion. His name is Phil Musumeci. Even though I know for a fact that Phil has read this blog I will not compromise. Mainly cause I know I could take Phil in a fight.

In this posting I will give you some background on Phil. Phil I have always said was the most sensitive heterosexual man I know. He moved to Utah some years ago and was known for his massive movie video collection, Cd's and fine assortment of playboys.

He and his father run a deli in downtown Salt Lake City. It's known for having fine sandwiches and the adventurous chance that you might get your ass kicked by the owners. I once ran into a man who told me "I've been sky diving, travelled to strange countries, but I have never been so intimidated as when I ordered food there." Of course he meant it as a compliment, so don't be frightened off from visiting them.
Phil also has a thing for the radio biz. He has won countless Disneyland trips and concerts over the years. His favorite station is 101.9 The End although I heard that sack of shit morning D.J. Chunga calling Phil fat for twenty minutes. That's rich coming from a dude who admitted to having lypo. But Phil is a lover and easily forgives even when forgiveness isn't even asked for.
I hope you enjoy this journey into Phil's life from my perspective. I hope that like Ed you see my actual love for these characters even though I seem harsh at times. I write with no malice.Well except for to Chunga you fat bastard.

Ed Johnson's Debacle

This isn't Phil. I know that this website is called just Phil, but that was basically a lie to get you to this web log (commonly referred to as "blog.") In fact, this is Phil's best friend and mentor Boyd. (some have also call me Phil's Lord and Master, but I defer to Jesus on those titles.)

Phil has recently been writing a number of stories about Ed Johnson, a childhood friend of ours. We both have a love and sort of retarded respect for Ed that has been born of going through thick and (mostly) thin with him for 10 or so years. We were there when Ed tried to convince us that soccer doesn't suck, we were there when Ed rocked a bolo tie at church, and we were there when Ed would come over and play Christifori's Dream on the piano ad naseum until you wanted to shoot yourself in the face with a 12 gauge shotgun. But there was a time when we weren't there for Ed. And that, my friends, was when Ed Johnson's Debacle occur ed.

Ed had secretly been wooing the niece of our high school choir teacher. Unbeknownst to his closest of friends, Ed had been to third base and back with this girl. If he just would have told us, just would have counselled with us, we would have told him to stop there. This girl was not attractive at all, nor was she cool. But Ed was lonely. Could you blame him? Yes. You could and did. Well, you can probably see where this story eventually ended: In the back seat of a 1972 Volkswagen Beetle. That night, Ed made a debacle. And his debacle was boning that ugly chick.

I won't go into the sordid details of what happened that night, nor where Ed's ejaculate ended up, but I will discuss the aftermath of his actions. For a while, none of us believed Ed when he told us that he had taken this most unfortunate of steps, but then, rumors from the girls camp started to be heard. See, that girl was spreading rumors about Ed's junk around the school, saying that it was small. Having seen Ed's junk in the shower at various Scout camps, I could dispel any of those rumors and am here to say once and for all that Edwin Johnson has a perfectly nice sized brat and potatoes. Shame on that girl if it cost Edwin any chances at better girls in the future!

Ed was ashamed of himself on many levels, including morally, but at least he had horrible friends like Phil, Derek, and me to remind him of his mistake. Indeed, we named two fairly mediocre intramural Basketball and Softball teams at Snow College in his memory: Ed Johnson's Debacle. We were just as poor on the court as Ed was in the back seat of that old VW. When Ed came to Snow to visit us, he was apoplectic with rage to find that we would name an intramural team thus, but in common Ed fashion, he good naturedly forgave us and saw the jacked-up humor in what we had done. Ed's a good guy that way.

Years have passed and I rarely see Ed anymore, but if I did, I would put my arm around him and thank him for all of the laughs over the years. Then, I would apologize for making him the butt of so many of those laughs. With this story, I believe Phil will retire the "Ed Johnson" theme and move on to another crazy in his past. It's probably time. So Ed, if you ever find this site, know that it was all done in love and for a laugh, and that any mean-spiritedness was done out of my own immaturity. God Bless you, Ed. You are an Icon.

Eat at Buccaneers Today!

All Smoked! All the time!

Even the dessert is smoked!